The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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