UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
