Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I am naked and annoyed.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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