I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
