I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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