Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
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