when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
