Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
