i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
