im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
