Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
