You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
