well I can't set my house on fire every night
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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