i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
