and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
