Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
