In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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