I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
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