hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
