im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
