8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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