Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Naked Twister starts at high noon
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize