when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
