I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
