I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
