Umm I'm too high to move.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm passing your future prison.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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