Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My vagina is very pro this idea
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