I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
