woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
