also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
