How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
