How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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