Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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