Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
