oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
