i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
