Already got asked if we're dating
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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