I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
