you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
