Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
