You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
