why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
