Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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