That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
