Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
