I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
