She's JV to your varsity
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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