She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
