Your face is a jimmy john
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
