I want to make a zoo with you.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
