watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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