At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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