He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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