BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
