she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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