we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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