sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
