First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize