i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
