we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
it's great music for shaving your balls
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
