i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize