I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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