I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
lol hangovers are for mortals.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
