well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
