i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
