i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
