I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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