if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
