I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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