There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
